What if you threw an awards ceremony and none of the winners showed up? Then you produced a dvd with horrible production values? That's the 2005 Glitter Awards in a nutshell. The International Gay Film Awards are voted on by foreign and domestic gay film festivals and the gay press in several categories, with an annual gala each year in Hollywood.

This evening is hosted by lesbian comedian Vicki Wagner and Miles Swain, writer/director of The Trip. Of interest are presenters Robin Greenspan and Lacie Harmon from Girl Play and Mildred Gerestant from Venus Boyz. Mildred also performs an interpretive dance followed by a short film about gender expression.

None of the nominees or a list of those eligible for awards is announced, but the winner of Best Lesbian Feature is My Mother Likes Women. Of course no one is there to pick up the award, but a representative from Wolfe Video, the film's distributor, saves the day with a few words. Comedian/presenter Jason Stuart (Gia, Out There in Hollywood, Outlaugh!) runs up on stage to accept the best actor award just for fun.

Laura Linney from Kinsey wins for Best Actress, and Veronica Cartwright from Straight-Jacket is Best Supporting Actress. (Somehow I expected lesbian films in the actress categories.) Poor lighting, bad camera work ... as Jason Stuart said, "This looks like my high school awards show."